Due to my Hellish Hospital stay, I think this dream says it all. I have been having it more than I would like to.
She slowly wheels her chair down the corridor, doors pass, she can hear the laughter, she follows the sound. It is getting louder, the laughter, the muffled voices, she is getting closer, she is at the door. People in scrubs all around, faces lost, standing around the bed, someone is in the bed. She is crying through the sounds of laughter. Her face is cloudy, her face is coming clear.She is no longer in the wheelchair, she is in the bed, crying. Please someone help me…
She was in a daze, looking around, everyone she knew was there, parents, children, friends, in a large chair, people touching her face, fixing her hair, makeup, this is a gift to you they say. People she did not know, brushing, coloring, cutting her hair. Don’t touch my hands, I just did my nails. No, stop, do not touch my feet, they hurt. Darkness.
Her eyes open slowly, she sits up and sees the mirror. She looks into the mirror not sure how she got across the room. She is crippled, yet she is young and beautiful again. Thin. A wig? A long curly wig sits atop her head. Take it off. Her hair is red again, and long. But they were cutting it. Extensions? She shes her young body in the mirror, thin, sexy, she wants to hide.
The people come in the room. ‘Ah, you are awake now!’ She glides across the floor to them, looking down at her feet skimming atop the wooden floor. How did I get up here? Who put me in these clothes? Laughter fills the room, whispers. Come out and see all who love you.
People are everywhere. Where is my husband? In the fields. The fields? Kittens everywhere… not to worry I know who to call to save them all. Blink…
Back in the room, alone. She looks in the chipped black framed mirror and smiles. Awaken!
So, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and have some seriously weird things going on inside my head. So, lately I have been jotting them down. [there is no real order as these are quick thoughts]
#1 “The room was suffocating, people everywhere, must get out, where is the door, the red door. She darts to the door, she flees through the red door. She turns to a blank wall, the door is gone, she is pulled into the darkness.”
#2 “She runs through the woods, something is following her. Is something following her? She cannot stop running, running to nowhere. Is she running? She falls and everything turns to fog. Her eyes open, she sees familiar faces, she’s home.”
#3 Smiling faces, tearful eyes, angry frowns, a wheelchair sits in the distance, she reaches for it, she cannot grasp it, she tries to stand and the floor comes up to meet her. Laughing, whispering, soft childlike giggles, all eyes on her. She cannot move, she bows her head in tears.”
We see at all the networking sites ‘What’s your status’ etc. Have you ever felt like putting ‘blank’?
I have had all kinds of things going on in my mind and all ready to blog them, then BAM nothing. I log in here get ready to blog and wooosh the thought go flying out like a birdie from it’s nest. Just flutters away.
Last night I could not sleep. So many things rattling around in my head. I felt like a bingo ball roller. I had all kinds of ideas to blog about today. Then sleep came and thoughts all gone. Usually, I will get up and write down the ideas on paper and then decipher them in the morning. But, last night it was so late and I was afraid I would wake someone up. I can remember bits and pieces of my thoughts, but they come out like a horror movie all over the place. My dreams can be very creepy due to some of the medications I have to take. I try to remember them so I can write them down, but somehow they are gone.
So, I wonder, if above all of our heads when we sleep is a ‘thought’ taker. A lil cloud that consumes your thoughts and dreams and teases you like a an older sibling. Putting it close to you, then snatching it away with an evil grin taunting you. You keep reaching for it an it gets pulled further and further from you. You strain to grasp it, but it always just out of reach.
So, one day, I purchased a voice recorder to ‘save’ my thoughts when I get them, but then realized, “Like that’s not gonna wake up the house?” For the daytime it’s great, but most of my thoughts and ideas come to me at night when the house is still and dark. The only lights are from my Mac screen and lit keyboard. It is then I can close my eyes and really hear myself. The occasional car passes outside with a hum of the tires on the road. Every now and then one of my furbabies makes a lil groan. Letting momma know they are there. Peaceful at last…
Maybe, in not having a thought and feeling blank, I found a thought and am no longer blank. Satisfaction!