Tag: blogging

FUCK · HELL · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS

Broken

Tracy1 Comment

I am really in the thick of it right now. I have not heard back from Independence Blue Cross, so I’m in limbo. Most likely I’ll have to call Accolade who is the go-between. We pay so much money for health insurance every year, yet we are not ‘allowed’ to speak to the actual insurance company reps!! 🤔 It is absolutely ridiculous. Independence Blue Cross is 💯% withholding care from me. How can that be acceptable? Independence Blue Cross is really a joke. The incompetence over there is astounding.

I’m tired… But I’m not going to stop… I’m broken… But I’m not going to stop…

Have courage and be kind! < The people at Independence Blue Cross should really take heed of that simple sentence. I really do wonder how they sleep at night. 

Ramblings

Sunday Sunday

Tracy7 Comments

I know it got a little dark in here last night. Sometimes when I’m sitting by myself thoughts pop into my head. I decided I’m just going to put them here when that happens. Blogging to me is an outlet. It’s a way to purge myself so I don’t lose it in my real life. Does that make sense? Does it matter if it makes sense to you? I guess as long as it makes sense to me it’s a good thing.This is my love. She stays by my side and makes sure that I’m OK. She is the reason that two years ago, almost to the date, I did not leave this earth. She did have some help from my beautiful friend Carolyn. That story is here and one that has no end yet. At least not the end that I was hoping for. Still a work in progress.

Today is a better day. Starbucks and blueberry muffins are the perfect thing to put you right. I tell people all the time, that it’s just a bad day not a bad life. I sometimes need to take my own advice. Today, I will!Have courage and be kind.

Quotes · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Silly

Snarky Saturday

TracyLeave a comment

I really have no more fucks to give. sorry, not sorry…

Does it hurt me? In all honesty, nope, not anymore. Don’t get me wrong, in the past it would break me. But now when people make it known that they don’t like me, it’s completely fine. Take a number! 😂 It’s almost like the trash taking itself out when they go away. I have so many more pressing things going on in my life that I really don’t have time to worry about the people that don’t find me wonderfully charming. If you don’t like me, buh-bye! Pretty simple. 

And as always, even when I’m being snarky, have courage and be kind! (and yes I do see the irony) ☺️



Friday · Movies · Multiple Sclerosis · Politics · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Strength · Stupid Stuff

Thank God it’s Friday Feelings

Tracy1 Comment

TGIF bitches! Technically Friday doesn’t mean much to me. My days all roll into one. I have to look at my iPhone calendar every day so I know what day of the week it is, as well as the actual date. The only good thing about Fridays is that my husband is home on the weekend. OK sometimes that’s not a good thing. OK OK I’m just kidding. (or am I) 😈

This past week has been pretty uneventful. I did have a couple of really good meltdowns. Quite frankly sometimes they really do help. I spend my days playing in Facebook, putting my headphones on and cranking up my music as loud as they can go, reading when my eyes permit it, and of course television. I have pretty much every channel and streaming service known to man. Even then most of the time there’s nothing on. I keep my TV on all the time. Mostly it’s for background noise so I don’t fee so alone. But there really is only so much of the idiot box you can watch before you go absolutely insane. I stay away from the news channels for the main reason I cannot stand listening to the orange guy in the White House. Every time I hear him speak my IQ drops a few points. I prefer talking to my dog. The conversation is much more intelligent. there you have it… I don’t talk politics on here but now you know how I feel. Sorry, not fucking sorry at all! 

Now I am going to get lost in Bridget Jones’s Diary. To all reading, I hope you have a wonderful weekend! As always, have courage and be kind!

Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

Thursday Thoughts

Tracy

Sadly people with chronic illness do this all the time. We do it because we know others don’t REALLY want to know how we REALLY feel. We know when you ask us, “How are you?“ That you don’t want us to get down to the nitty-gritty. The answer you want is the one we give, “I’m fine.”

Let’s face it that’s the easiest answer to give. I’ve literally watched peoples eyes glaze over when I do tell them how I REALLY feel. When that happens I usually just stop talking and ask them how they are. Trust me, they love to talk about how they are. And that’s OK. It’s human nature.

Have courage and be kind…

Anger · FUCK · Health · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Sadness

Weird Wednesday

Tracy10 Comments

I was cruising the Internet and this picture popped up. It’s not meant to be sad it’s not meant to scare anyone. But I’m not going to spend another six years and three months in my bed. Without help, proper help, I’m never going to get out of this prison have a bed. My ankles suffer from dropfoot and contractures. My knees haven’t been able to straighten in about three years. And my hips I can’t even get in my Hoyer lift because of the pain. This has been going on for a very long time now and nothing has changed. I really thought my time in rehab in 2018 was going to save me. I fought so hard I did so well, then nothing. How do people that are bedridden see their doctors? I know they can call non-emergent transport, then try to coordinate that with their doctors appointments but first they have to make the calls to make sure it will be approved. Really? Making something hard even harder.

I wish I could be the shiny happy person that people want me to be. But that’s not gonna happen. I’m angry. I’m pissed off. I get it life‘s not fair blah blah blah. You know the people that say that to me… People with no chronic illness. I guarantee they wouldn’t last one day trapped in their bed not able to even get up to go to the bathroom, be able to roll over in their bed, or sit up without help. They would break the first 20 minutes.

Tears! 😂😂😂 No, if you could read my mind you would be screaming at the top of your lungs for help. I am so angry and I know that anger doesn’t help. But when every year it just gets worse, sorry I can’t put on that smile every fucking day for you. I’m angry about people who I see complaining all the time about the tiniest little things. Yes I’m an asshole. I can’t sugarcoat shit every fucking day. I really just want it all to end. I really really want freedom. I’m so tired of being in prison for a crime I never committed.

Have courage and be kind

Anger · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

Down with the Sickness Tuesday

Tracy

Yes we do. My daughter was diagnosed with type A flu yesterday. People at my husbands work we’re also diagnosed type A flu. On Sunday I was not feeling very well. Yesterday my fever was going from 100 up to 102 and finally broke at 2 AM. NyQuil take me away! Oh that stuff is the bomb. You need nothing else.

Unfortunately I’m pissed. I called my neurologist because in the 23 years I’ve been going to him since diagnosis, I’ve always been told to call when things like this happen. Being that I have a compromised immune system and I’m over 50 the type a flu can be dangerous. I put in a call to my doctor last night. The receptionist said, “You know this is a neurologist office right?” No really? Oh my God I had no idea! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I felt like saying you know you work at a neurologist office and things like this can be very dangerous for people with a compromised immune system. But, I didn’t. She sent me off to leave a message with my doctor’s nurse. I left a message I heard nothing back. I just called a little bit ago I left another message. A little more blunt and to the point. When (If) they call back I’m also going to remind them about a medication refill I called about sometime ago and a fax that they needed to send out for me. Neither happened. I would’ve forgotten about those things if this hadn’t happened and upset me so. After 23 years with this doctor today I’ve been looking for other neurologists. I really need to get to UCLA but until I can get out of my bed without pain, I don’t think my insurance company will cover a non-emergent transport. What do people like me do? How do people that are bedridden get to the doctors and get the help they need? Sadly, I don’t think it matters… sadly I don’t think we matter…

Have courage and be kind!

Hope · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

Sunday Feelings – Find the Positive

TracyLeave a comment

This seems like an easy concept but in reality it can be very hard. I was 53 years old when the positivity 💡turned on. I’m still a work in progress as negativity still pops up daily. I’m really trying to turn it around and find that positive. I’ll get there eventually. Things like this happen when we’re ready. I will be 56 in March, so better late than never. #MotivationApp

Have courage and be kind…