Anger · Fear · Health · Ramblings · RANDOM

Money, Money, Money…

They say money can’t buy you love, happiness, etc. I beg to differ, but not in the way most would think.

I need, I want...

In my situation money would buy ‘comfort’. Money will not cure me, but it would make my life and my families much easier. You see the stars with MS and other chronic illness’. Montel has his own cook, nutritionist, physical therapist, child-care. Trust me, if I had that it would make life much easier and less stressful. So in this case, money would buy ‘comfort’! Most of he people on these shows with chronic illness depict the success stories. The ones who run the marathons etc. Their MS is the less severe form, and being in remission is a great thing and I am happy for them. But, where are the stories of the those with the severe forms, who have families and live on modest incomes with no extras like a cook, a nutritionist. You get the idea.

There are treatments out there that insurance will not cover, so in those cases money would buy me better health care.

Not sure where this is coming from tonight… maybe because I tried to take a shower in my partly done shower and realized it is not going to make that much of a difference. Roger got the seat and a couple of bars installed, which help. But I have to be careful as it is not all grouted and we have to be sure the water does not get all over the place. The shower itself was fabulous the aftermath, not so much. I am coming to the realization that even bars and a higher chair do not help me get up. My legs are near useless and I sat there and cried, why??? This was not supposed to be my life. Why not strike those who commit heinous crimes and those who do to want to be a giving part of society. WHY? And yes it is my right to ask why. There is no reason for this. I did nothing to deserve this, as many of my friends did nothing to deserve their illness’. So why?

I’m not naive and I know there is no answer for this question.

I sit here, again, wondering if I will be able to get in to my bed tonight. Will I be able to get up easier in the morning? I know these answers will not be ones I want to hear. I hate feeling this way. I am no quitter nor am I a whiner. But as of late I read people complaining about their colds and allergies and runny noses and want to scream at them, “Your piss ant issue will go away, mine wont!! So shut the fuck up and get over it!!” And that is not me either. I hate being this bitter, this angry. I think from all the times I hold it in, it is finally too much to take.

I’m lost and am slipping away from me more and more and I’m scared…

As Always…

xx, Tracy...

8 thoughts on “Money, Money, Money…

  1. Do not hold it in..let out all the anger, frustration, pain, distress that you want. It takes a bitter, cold heart to hold back their fears and worry and I know you do not have a cold, bitter heart, you are merely asking why does this have to happen to a wonderful, caring, loving woman who wants nothing more than to be free of this agony. It makes no gosh damn sense, none of it…I ask the same thing too, why do the ones I love have to be stricken with something, while cruel and hurtful maniacs can just walk this Earth unscathed.

    We will stick together, those of us that need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a heart that is loving and warm…I think a lot about my loved ones every day and what I can offer to them. I love ya Tracy!!!



  2. I am right there with you 100% Tracy, on all of this.. That’s why I’m your mini-me.. 😉

    It seems, our minds have been chatting with each other again! Your thoughts have been mine lately too..
    Hang in there sweetie, smile that beautiful smile of yours and keep that chin up.. Don’t let go of that good fight you have left in you! You are the STRONGEST woman I have EVER met.. The fiercest fighter I know, and I know in my heart you are not ready to throw in the towel yet.. I’m not going down without a good fight, and neither are you! Don’t let this MOnSter get the best of you!

    Take my hand and let’s fight this ‘darkness’ together! I’m only a phone call away at ANY hour!!
    I love you!!


    1. See, it’s all your fault cause our MS seems to always be in sync. lol

      I wish I felt as strong and you see me. Lately I feel like I am the weakest link. But you know, no towel will ever be thrown in this ring!! We be fighting crippled beotches!! 😛

      loves ya my mini-me!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.