Anger · Craziness

Just lost my freaking mind…


This cat, Zoe. I rescued her from the pound eight years ago. I knew I wanted to get an older cat and not a kitten. Zoe was two years and old she had been returned twice. ( now I know why ) They handed her to me in my wheelchair and she immediately crawled up under my neck and started purring, she was the one. The second I got her home, and lifted her out of the box, she gave me one look, and ran off towards my daughters room. I pretty much have not seen her since. LOL

 So today she comes in my room and won’t even look at me. I’m calling her name she literally won’t even look at me. She has no idea that all she has to do is be friends with me and she’ll have EVERYTHING! 😊 I’m rattling some crinkle paper to play with her, she won’t even look at me. My husband calls to her she looks right over him, my other daughter comes in she goes right to her. What the fuck is wrong with this cat. LOL all the animals love me for god sake‘s! LOL ( A lot of LOL‘s ) because it’s funny  and I’m funny! 😂

 So, back to the story. After she ignored me for five minutes I looked at my hubby and started sobbing. He looked at me and said that it’s OK, she loves me she  is just hungry and wants one of them to feed her. That’s why she’s ignoring me. But it wasn’t even about the cat. #ItIsNotAboutTheCat We know that. I literally can’t stop crying right now.  It’s not like I even feel sad it’s just, I don’t fucking know what. I’ve been trying to be so positive and up beat and it’s actually killing me. Because I’m not happy!

But everybody wants you to find the good and to always be happy. And, as usual, I’m doing everything  everybody else wants me to do.

 Why can’t we be sad sometimes. Why is it so hard to just let others vent. Sometimes when we lash out or vent what’s hurting us we don’t expect you to come up with an answer. We just want to feel like somebody cares, give us a hug, a kind word. Personally people that are always shiny happy upbeat make me really fucking nervous. You know they’ve  got secrets and stories they’re hiding.  And if you say they don’t, you’re really naïve. But OK, I’ll go back to make everybody else happy. Isn’t that what everybody wants?

Peace ✌️

Craziness · Ramblings

Hello Friends

I will be getting to Vegas day 2 and my shower ideas soon.

Yesterday I was doing gr8, then BAM started feeling really bad. My legs had that ‘swelling’ feeling almost like the falling asleep feeling. As did my arms. Had a tough night as my legs kept ‘twitching’. My left ankle still hurts from crushing it the other day between my chair and the counter. So that is not helping. Walking right now, even just standing up to grab my walker, is taking all my spoons. You should see me trying to make it to the bathroom!! rofl That, in and of itself is freakin’ hilarious! My head feels like it is ready to explode and the fatigue is unbearable.

But, you wanna hear the worst part of all……………

THERE IS NOTHING ON TV OR CABLE OR ON DEMAND!! WTH!! The days I feel good all the good shows, movies, dvr are on. I watched Law and Order: SVU on dvr this morning. But now there is nothing on! I mean really. You would think the cable would know to have the good shit on when I am sick! I mean, for the money we pay them, the should be here changing the channels for me!!

Guess I will just lie back down with all my puppies who hog the bed and try and rest some more. BORING!! Maybe I will count the speckle shit on the ceiling, that’ll put my ass to sleep!

As always… blessings and peace!