health · Ramblings

Acceptance – for Robin

ac·cep·tance n.

1. The act or process of accepting.
2. The state of being accepted or acceptable.
3. Favorable reception; approval.
4. Belief in something; agreement.
5. Abbr. acpt.

a. A formal indication by a debtor of willingness to pay a time draft or bill of exchange.
b. A written instrument so accepted.
6. Law Compliance by one party with the terms and conditions of another’s offer so that a contract becomes legally binding between them.

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When it comes to ‘accepting’ my disease, I choose not to. You have those who say, “If you do not accept it, you cannot move on!” I disagree. I will never accept the fact that this is my fate. I know i have MS. I know what it has taken away from me. Bottom line, I know how much it sucks! 🙂 I guess I feel if I use the word ‘acceptance’ that it really means I have it. I know that sounds strange, but that is the only way I can explain it. I deal with it, I ‘live’ with it, but I will not accept it. Believe me, I was in denial [no, not the river in Egypt] for the first 2 years of my dx [diagnosis]. I actually had 2 second opinions as I knew in my mind it had to be something else.

The first year of my dx I had my first second opinion at the UCLA MS clinic. Yup, you have MS. Then in the third year went back to UCLA again to see another doctor doing some new research. She said if she did not know my histroy she would dx me with Progressive-Relapsing MS (PRMS), the worst course. The look on my face must have killed her as she quickly said since knowing my case she would stay with Secondary-Progressive MS (SPMS). I steadily progress, [SUCKS!] but hopefully I will stay at the ‘plateau’ I am at now. Wishful thinking, nah…HOPE! Knowing me, I’ll get a third second opinion one day! rofl

Again, I know my disease, very well. I know I have it. I deal with it and live with it every day. This does not mean I EVER have to accept it. I think I see acceptance, in this case, as giving in to it. And that will NEVER happen. Some say I am too much of a BITCH [babe in total control of herself] 😛 to ever let it take me over. Personally I take that as a compliment. I am stubborn, strong, tenacious, driven, and a bitch! lol But, this is what keeps me going, keeps me fighting. I am not a quitter and will never stop looking for the answer. I do believe the cure WILL be found for MS. I hope in my time, but if not I hope for the next generation.

So, you see, for me acceptance is not an option. As long as we live our lives and not let our diseases overtake us, we are the winners!!

Blessings and Peace!