Archive for the ‘Hospital’ Category

Really, why do we? Why do so many put their thoughts and emotions out the for the world to ‘read’? For me, it breaks the monotony of my daily bed-ridden life. It allows me to bitch, if you will, at the world and not my family. lol I have a story, it may not be much to some, but it’s my life. I hope that in some small way others in my position can find some hope, or at least have a laugh.

Even in my more depressing blogs, I think it helps others to know they are not alone. It’s ok to cry, scream, and lose it… once in a while. 🙂 We don’t always have to ‘hold’ it together and be strong every second. Sometimes a good cry is cleansing for the soul, and I’m talking ugly crying! lol

I also hope to bring awareness to others on how we can fight back against those who try to hurt us. Hospital treatment and the treatment we sometimes have to endure by big companies, i.e.; Insurance Companies, and big Pharma. We have to be tough and find our inner strength so these people do not run over us like we are nothing.

We are the strong. We deal with more in one day than most deal with in their lifetime. We smile through the pain, the losses, and the inhumanity of some. So believe it, we are the true Warriors!!

There are days I want to give up. There was a time, not long ago, I tried… When I awoke I was angry, I wanted to be free. Then I realized, maybe I am here for a reason. If I am able to help even just one person, maybe that’s why I am still here. I’ll be honest, the thoughts linger in my head every day. I fight like hell to never let them ‘almost’ get me again. It has nothing to do with any God or higher power. It’s my will, my power and inner child that keeps me going. We all have the inner child of strength. I truly hope you can find yours and hold on tight.

Love and Light to all

Surgery, June 10, 2014

****WARNING graphic photos below****

I did not come out of the dark until June 26. Sixteen days of what they call ICU Psychosis. Sixteen days lost to me. To everyone around me I was awake. For me, I was in a dream, not knowing where I was.

Backtrack… The surgery was to help me get some semblance of life back. To be able to go out more and to help those taking care of me. It did not go as planned. All seemed well when they finished and stapled my tummy back together. Sadly they soon knew there was a problem. I’m no doctor so this is in layman’s terms. The stoma was not producing and I was filling up with bacteria. After a week of excruciating pain and testing, of which I have no memory, they realized I needed emergency surgery as my white blood count shot up over night and they new right away I had a serious infection.

Once the un-stapled me they realized they had to stop the colostomy and re-route everything by ileostomy. Sadly the area was highly inflamed and the wound needed to be opened more. So, now, I have a large open stomach wound which will take some months to close.

***GRAPHIC PHOTO***

open wound

At this time I have to have a wound vac done twice a week. Sorry, but it’s fucking painful every time.

After wound vac is placed:

vac

Basically once it’s covered, it vacuums out any type of infection, and helps the wound the slowly close back up. Mostly I’m bummed because I might lose my cute belly button. Kind of sucks. ;-P

At this time it has closed up over 6cm in a short time. My surgeon says I’m the strongest person she has ever met. That even when it got really bad and they the I might go septic, my body fought hard and won.

Honestly, I don’t feel strong right now. The nausea is awful, it’s hard to sleep, and I’m in constant pain… but I will NOT give up now. I’m looking forward to the day they can hook me all back up.

My biggest issue is the anxiety from all of this. It’s a fight not to just break down in tears. But crying makes it hard to breathe and I have to be careful. Sneezing is a bitch as is coughing. But, again, this too shall pass.

I’m thankful to be home. Sadly the second day I got home my house flooded…

Go figure! 😛

Peace

After a bad fall about a month ago, I’ve been in and out of hospital emergency rooms and spent a little bit under a week in hospital. Lotta good it did, as I’m worse now than I was before I went in. I need in-home care I need help but the doctors keep blowing me off. And my doctor’s nurses, forget about it incompetence galore!

They keep telling me they’ll call me back once they get information about in-home care. Has not happened at all. They don’t even call my prescriptions when they expire anymore. I have to call and remind them. Yeah that helps with my stress level! I’ve been with the same doctor for 17 years!

I can’t even get into what happened in my last hospital visit a couple of weeks ago as it just brings back too many awful memories. Not as bad as back in 2009-2010 but almost.

At this point I’m completely bed ridden, my legs do not work at all I can only move them if somebody moves them for me hard to transfer to my chair I won’t even get into going to the bathroom. LOL that’s way too much information… TMI!!

Bottom line I need home health care, and my doctors are ignoring me and not helping me. So me, being the bitch that I am, I have an appointment with a new neurologist on January 28 and an appointment on the 18th of this month with the new internist. I’m done, and I’m taking charge and taking back my power!

For those who know me, know I’m pissed and when I get pissed I get shit done. They know not who they are dealing with! LOL I’m done believing that this is it for me and I’ll never move again that I’m going to be stuck in a bed the rest of my life.

I Even got my new wheelchair and it’s the bomb, but I can’t even transfer to it. So what’s the fucking point right now!

Fear-Pain-Anger-Depression

I really do wonder sometimes… What’s the fucking point!

[sorry for spelling and or grammar mistakes talk text doesn’t always work exactly as it should]

need sleep...

I know, what’s new? 😛

Here’s the deal, I have pendants ready to be added to chains and crystals ready to added to that. Last night I made the prettiest cameo necklace and then realized the chain I used was antique copper and the pendant was antique brass. DOH! I spent so much time on it and was so discouraged… took pics, got em all ready, and went hmmm, doesn’t look right. Looked at hubby, threw my hands ups, and rolled back to my room. I think it was karma [or the Norco] as I should not be out at my table right now. My legs, left mostly, will not stop swelling up. I’ve been keeping them elevated and everything and they/it will not go down. HATE kankles!!! I do not want to tell my neuro because every time this has happened in the past, he sends me to the ‘Big House’ [hospital] for a 3 day IV Solumedrol vacation. I WILL NOT do steroids any more. Sorry!!

The worst part is the pain in my right shoulder going down my arm. After a few minutes at the design table the pain starts. Might be a tendon or something. Too scared to find out and no way to get to the doctor. It’s tough on Roger to take so much time off work for me, and not fair to him. I must say, I’m really loving my Norco right now.

My Precious!!!

What sucks is I cannot sleep on my left side, hip pain. I can’t sleep on my back, DD [degenerative disc] so, I have to sleep on my right side. Soooo not fair!! Someone cut me a break please!!

Yes, I’m having a “Pity Party”, and all are welcome!!

I’m just so tired of being sick and tired. This was not supposed to be my life. I know, it is, deal with it, right? Easier said than done. I’ve had people say that it happened to me because I am so strong. They say that if it had happened to them, they would have crumbled. Um, Thanks, I think. I’m really not as strong as some think…

On a lighter note… yes I know, Random! A little funny for your day/night:

Classic! rofl

Or, as the Fabulous Vicki would say…A good day is when I don’t roll over and crunch someone’s toes!! 😉 Click on her name and visit her blog, it’s awesome!!

Peace Out!! xx

That was my reaction when my port was put in a few months back.

Let me backtrack a bit. In February I had a port put in my chest. With the monthly  2 hour Tysabri infusions it was the best option. Me ole veins are gone and sticking me each time was getting painful and harder to do. So cool, a port, a lil contraption with a tube under my skin in my chest going in to a vein. Easy peasy, right?

First problem when we get there is no ‘twilight’ sleep or meds, as, well, no veins for an I.V. Hence the need for the port. But it’s all good! The area will be numbed up and I’ll get a shot of Ativan [not that it would work on me]. I finally get wheeled in and the doctor comes in. He looks at the area for the port, then lifts the cover from my face. He says from his charts he assumed I’d be older but when he saw my skin and how ‘young’ it looked he had to see me. ummm hmmm smooth talker! lol Meanwhile Ativan not kickin’ in… they proceed to give me some injections in my chest to numb it up! OUCH! But then he injects my nck!! Um, WTF why are you injecting my neck. **shivers. Meanwhile Ativan not kickin’ in… He starts the incision into my chest, no real pain just pressure. Then I feel my neck getting cut. Okay, I speak up. “Why are you cutting my neck?” He asks me if I understood the procedure. I told him that I was told it was a a lil contraption with a tube under my skin in my chest going in to a vein. He explains it in a bit more detail. He tells me how the lil contraption [the port] goes under the skin in my chest, then a tube is brought up through my neck, around and down towards the heart into a vein. Okay then!! I guess it’s too late to turn back now! 😉 Meanwhile Ativan not kickin’ in…

All in all, it wasn’t too bad. I hung out in recovery for a bit and then we headed home. On the ride home… the Ativan finally kicked in!! Go figure. lol

on the way home

BAD reaction to the tape and bandages. owie

today

I figure, dudes dig chicks with scars right! 😛 I tensed my neck a bit so you can see the tube going up through my neck! Cool right. When I do this it freaks out my kids!! lol

Peace out all!

That’s what I am!! lol The past few days I have felt accomplished. Each morning after the kids leave for school, I’m up and washing the dishes, tidying up, etc.. Some may say, “Big Deal, ooh you tidied up”! Well it is a big deal. Dishes take a lot out of me. Trying to reach up and over the sink to get all the plates, silverware, and glassware is tiring. It’s amazing how a dish can feel like a 20 pound weight. I have bruising on the upper back of my arms from the counter.  But, to me it shows I’m moving and trying to do things. I’m slowly trying to de-clutter. It’s all about baby steps. After getting all the dishes done and things straightened, I’m ready for a nap. 😛 When I was well, my house was spit-spot. You could eat off the floors. Now, not so much. One of my OCD issues I have had to learn to deal with… slowly but surely.

I’ve been on the Ampyra for almost one month. I’d like to say I’m running marathons, but not yet. Ok, never ran them when I was well either! 😉 Do I notice anything different, better? I want to say that it seems easier to rise up from my chair to transfer, but I’m afraid if I do I’ll jinx it. I am going to get out my walker tonight when the hubby comes home and try to at least use it to get to and from the tinkletorium. Wish me luck!! I have not been able to use it since my Hell Hospital stay. That place fuckered me up. But, it would take a lot more than those fools to keep me down!!

xx, Tracy...

Unbeknown to me the whole ‘issue’ of my horrific stay was closed out February 18, 2010. Yet their reps were still talking to me through March and no one had the BALLS to tell me they had made their decision!!! Supposedly a letter was sent to me telling me all of this. Yup, you guessed it, no letter. And now, the so-called VP of nursing, Karen Loch, is no longer with the hospital. rofl!!! Typical!!! So, they bill me $1453.54 yesterday, from a February stay. Now if it had taken me 5 mos to pay them, I’d be in collections. Yet, they knew they were going to ‘dick’ me and it still took them 5 mos to bill me.

On March 8, 2010 this is what my notes say after my conversation with Karen :

Karen Loch called ext. 5368. She will be doing follow up and once I get all the charges together [after insurance payments] she will get me with the proper people who will take care of this for me.

Funny thing is according to Esther, she already knew it was a done deal and no one was going to help me at all.

For my ordeal, the blog starts here: Hell Hospital

I guess they figure they are some big Hospital that does not need to give a shit about their patients well being. I have been crying since I got the bill as it brought back all the feelings I have been trying to forget. I was de-humanized and belittled and humiliated!!

Time to get my thoughts all together and do something about this…

Blessings and Hope!