Well, I’m still here. Not in a blogging mood lately. Hard to type and I get so jumbled that nothing comes out right. I’m just glad that I’m fantastic when it comes to ‘acting’ happy. I’m so tired of all the, ‘life is good’. ‘you are in control’, and blah blah blah. MS took away my ‘control’. Please don’t tell me it could be worse, as it is getting worse. I’m sure others hate their illness just like I hate mine. I think boredom sets in and i get depressed. Unless you live in my ‘chair’ in the prison that is my home, you cannot understand. Being trapped like a caged animal is paralyzing…
I know some of my friends know this feeling as they are in the same boat as me. I try to find the good and be upbeat. I can tell you that it takes a ton of energy to do that. I’m so tired of fighting this battle.
If I sound bitter, it’s because I am bitter. Life is NOT good… no always. Some of us fight struggles that no one can ever comprehend. Those are the ones that usually say ‘it could be worse’. **F bomb alert** Well fuck them. Their biggest problem is a job they hate or the sniffles. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am bitter. And as for prayers, do NOT get me started. My girl Ruby and I were told if we prayed right we would be healed!! Well hot damn, I’m on my fucking knees. I have no problem for those why want to pray for me… just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t work.
Hopefully this’tude’ will pass soon. It usually does. But, I’m not going to feel bad for being pissed, angry or bitter anymore. There are some that make me feel like I should just ‘get over it’! To you I say, ‘Let’s trade lives.’ To anyone out there dealing with chronic illness and any of these feelings, just know it IS ok to feel this way and vent. Do not let anyone make you feel bad if you do. Until they walk, err roll, a mile in my [our] chairs they can just STFU!!