Memories of a love lost…

They were apart, it was her doing. Come back she cried. No, he was through. Her insecurities and cruel comments were too much to take. He tried to understand, but it was over…this time. She could not breathe. How could she live without him in her life? How could she show him it would be different? She was so scared, scared he would leave her so she figured she’d be cruel. That it was her making him go. She could not understand why he loved her. She was nothing, he was everything. He would cheat someday, didn’t they all. Now he was gone. Her love, her life.

They were young. She knew from the moment she saw him, she loved him. Tall, dark hair, hazel eyes. Her heart. But it could not last, would not last. She trusted no one. And her fears inevitably would push him away. She had loved before, but never loved to her soul. Her first love. Words spoken. Some can never be taken back. He told her once she made him feel important, loved. And she did love him, with every ounce of her being. But, now he was gone. He was not coming back. How was she supposed to live, to go on?

She’d smile and laugh in public. In private, her tears burned her cheeks every day. They talked, she heard him drive by. Run to the window, please stop. Her heart beating fast, anticipation. She’d watch him drive away. He stopped once, came to the door. She had someone there, no one really, but he just looked and walked away. She wanted to run, to run and tell him she loved him. Without him she could not survive. But, she stood frozen. He had said to leave him alone once, so she did. Letting go she hoped would show him how much she loved him. It was all she had to offer.

Months passed, he found someone new. A child on the way. Her heart broke that day. Would her tears ever end? Would her heart ever mend?

One last time, at a friends. They ran into one another. She tried to be so strong. She saw it in his eyes, he did still love her. But it was too late. As the song says, ‘Letting go, is just another way to say I’ll always love you so.’ She had to let go, she had to find herself again…could she. Has she now?

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She has love now. She loves for the last time. But, sometimes in the night she sees his face. Did he ever really love her? She was told once, she was his first love as well. Then why was it so easy to let her go. Does he ever think of her? Does he ever wonder, what if?  Does it matter anymore? A part of her heart disappeared that cold day never to return.

Letting go…

Blessings and Hope