Health · Ramblings

Acceptance – for Robin

Tracy

ac·cep·tance n.

1. The act or process of accepting.
2. The state of being accepted or acceptable.
3. Favorable reception; approval.
4. Belief in something; agreement.
5. Abbr. acpt.

 a. A formal indication by a debtor of willingness to pay a time draft or bill of exchange.
b. A written instrument so accepted.
6. Law Compliance by one party with the terms and conditions of another’s offer so that a contract becomes legally binding between them.

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When it comes to ‘accepting’ my disease, I choose not to. You have those who say, “If you do not accept it, you cannot move on!” I disagree. I will never accept the fact that this is my fate. I know i have MS. I know what it has taken away from me. Bottom line, I know how much it sucks! 🙂 I guess I feel if I use the word ‘acceptance’ that it really means I have it. I know that sounds strange, but that is the only way I can explain it. I deal with it, I ‘live’ with it, but I will not accept it. Believe me, I was in denial [no, not the river in Egypt] for the first 2 years of my dx [diagnosis]. I actually had 2 second opinions as I knew in my mind it had to be something else.

The first year of my dx I had my first second opinion at the UCLA MS clinic. Yup, you have MS. Then in the third year went back to UCLA again to see another doctor doing some new research. She said if she did not know my histroy she would dx me with Progressive-Relapsing MS (PRMS), the worst course. The look on my face must have killed her as she quickly said since knowing my case she would stay with Secondary-Progressive MS (SPMS). I steadily progress, [SUCKS!] but hopefully I will stay at the ‘plateau’ I am at now. Wishful thinking, nah…HOPE! Knowing me, I’ll get a third second opinion one day! rofl

Again, I know my disease, very well. I know I have it. I deal with it and live with it every day. This does not mean I EVER have to accept it. I think I see acceptance, in this case, as giving in to it. And that will NEVER happen. Some say I am too much of a BITCH [babe in total control of herself] 😛 to ever let it take me over. Personally I take that as a compliment. I am stubborn, strong, tenacious, driven, and a bitch! lol But, this is what keeps me going, keeps me fighting. I am not a quitter and will never stop looking for the answer. I do believe the cure WILL be found for MS. I hope in my time, but if not I hope for the next generation.

So, you see, for me acceptance is not an option. As long as we live our lives and not let our diseases overtake us, we are the winners!!

Blessings and Peace!

Published by Tracy

A day in the life of a mommy, wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis!

14 thoughts on “Acceptance – for Robin”

  1. I pray again today for a cure for MS and of course for cancer, and that you continue to hope and fight with all your heart, Tracy…oh, and also, for joy for you even in the midst of it! Love, Deb

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  3. I can see what you are saying, totally. I was the opposite though, I was fighting against it and getting no where but depressed and anxious quick. For me, I had to accept it for a time being (but at no means throwing in the towel) as for where I’m at now, with what I have, (and I know its very different) I’m open to being healed. I’m open to the promises in the Bible. I have learned 1 of 2 things will happen for me in my life: 1) he has the power to heal me and he will or 2) he will choose not to for his own good reasons….not sure exactly what they are, but I do know its like moses leading people through the desert, maybe in a strange way he will use me to help others go through their sickness, abuse, or whatever else I have had to endure in trials.
    I heart ya and love what an inspiration you are to others. It is one of your greatest talents is helping others understand not only what you are going through as a human, but also you are reaching out to help others understand in their time of sickness and sorrow. That my friend, makes you a HERO. You didn’t get to choose your cards in life, but you handle them in such a graceful, positive, & manner.

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  4. Tracy,
    thank you.

    I’m like Amy, in that I was denying it, trying to pretend it didn’t exist, pushing myself to do the things I always had. I still find myself doing that now, when I get depressed and find myself in a funk, mourning the activities I have loved that are lost to me.

    I have had to accept that I have these diseases and disabilities, accept that I have limitations, accept that I have to adapt.

    My disability will not ‘beat’ or ‘defeat’ me. Accepting that I’m disabled doesn’t mean the end of the world, nor that I’m less of a person, nor defined by my disability.

    From time to time it’s difficult to keep from feeling badly about the changes I’ve experienced.

    Thanks for sharing your feelings so honestly and for hearing me.

    oxox

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  6. I have to agree with Amers. Tracy you’ve proven to yourself and everyone that your a strong, confident woman, despite your disability. You are an inspiration to us all. No matter what life has dealt you have handled it with dignity, and grace. Like Amers your said you are a “HERO” in every sense of the word. ♥

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  8. Dear Tracy,
    your writing on non-Acceptance is enlightening. would you mind if i take out any personal references, and possibly share it with my friend Sophia who works in the mental illness community for NAMI?

    As a consumer/survivor movement, there’s been a long historical struggle with NAMI (Natl Alliance on Mental Illness) They are ALways pushing to have people, and their children “ACCEPT” that they have a mental illness.

    And my personal struggle with them is the organization’s collusion in essence with the pharmaceutical drug industry (PhRMA) I don’t know if you knew or remember, we came to California in 1968 when my Dad accepted a job on the West coast as a pharmaceutical sales manager.

    Last April I learned about a non-profit company in Canada that’s been helping people for 13 years with a thorough balance of micronutrients. The B-12 is at 4000% and has excellent bio-availability. Since then I’ve been promoting the company, TrueHope.com , and proposing to offer Education in Micronutrient Protocols to Medical Doctors, and Pharmacists.

    I believe they will welcome another tool in their toolbox, IF they receive the education.

    Anyway, i got off on a tangent there some! Returning to your writing, is it okay if i copy and share part of it with my friend, Sophia?

    Blessings & love,
    Jane

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    1. Of course you can use this Janie. Just try not to cut it up as it will take on a different meaning.

      I do think that mental illness is a different ‘form’ of disease then I am talking about. I believe in coming to terms with my illness, some say that is the same thing as accepting it. lol Maybe it is the ‘word’ itself I do not like.

      xoxo

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