Mourning Independence – for Ruby

I have a friend dealing with back issues, surgeries, pain, and the feelings of loss. She is mourning her independence. And rightly so.

When  person becomes ‘disabled’ [whether is is permanent or temporary] life, as they have known it, changes. Simple things that we could once do can no longer be done. Simple things we take for granted, we do not take for granted anymore. Just getting out of bed can become a huge chore. And forget about trying to shop or clean or in some cases even get out of your house. Even showering can take every ounce of strength.

It truly is life altering and, in my humble opinion, deserves a mourning period. It is as if part of your life, your own self, has died. So, why is it we feel bad for venting or talking about ‘mourning’ our losses? I guarantee if it happened to a ‘healthy’ [as we once were] they would be talking until the cows came home. I think sometimes it is because they do not want to see someone they love in pain. But, sadly, some just really do not give a shit and do not want to know. So I say to the haters…move the hell on and do not read or talk to the person. We are better off without that kind of ‘friend’ anyway.

I think when a person becomes disabled they can remember what they once had, once were. I can remember walking, and sometime the sadness of that loss takes me to the edge.

I watched a program once where young kids in wheelchairs were featured. Most born with a disease that disabled them. One young boy, maybe 8 or so, said to an older boy that it is ok to be mad when your abilities suddenly are taken from you. That he was born this way and never knew what it was to walk. He understood how someone who loses the ability to walk later in life can become angry and depressed. They have the memories that might tear at them. WOW! Did I ever cry and talk to the TV. What an amazing young man and outlook. I never thought of it like that. It was then I realized where a lot of my sadness came from. The memories of what was.

So, mourn the loss of your independence. It is ok to do. Any person would as it truly is like a part of you has died. Just remember to not let it take over your life. As with anything, we mourn and [hopefully] are able to move one!

Blessings and Peace!

10 thoughts on “Mourning Independence – for Ruby

  1. Tracy, thank you I am in tears reading this…and I’m tired of the tears. Tired of the pain and feeling everything I’m feeling, this is my third go at it, each time it seems it gets harder and harder to heal and it takes longer, yeah I know I’m getting older so that makes a difference too. It is hard to accept this loss and I have my moments, thank you for getting me.


    1. I just needed you to know it is ok to feel this way. You try to be so strong and seem to feel bad when you get down. I hope it helps knowing that someone does get you and knows how it does feel!


  2. Absolutely great blog Tracy! I’m right there with both of you. You expressed these feelings so accurately.

    There is supposed to be a mourning and then acceptance period for people with newly diagnosed disabilities. I’ve thought several times that I was in the acceptance stage, but then yet another obstacle must be overcome and I’m right back to mourning again.

    Thank you both so much for speaking about these things in the eloquent way that you do.



    1. Exactly! When I progress a bit more, I always mourn the loss of something.

      Honestly when it comes to acceptance… we do not have to accept it, deal with but not accept it! 🙂


  3. This is a wonderful blog Tracy! It has been on my mind so much today how I really am starting to hate the label handicapped, or worse, crippled. I want to be disABLED.


  4. I dont know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)

    …..Frank Scurley


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