Category Archives: Hospital

August 20, 2010

Criptastic!!!

By Tracy

That’s what I am!! lol The past few days I have felt accomplished. Each morning after the kids leave for school, I’m up and washing the dishes, tidying up, etc.. Some may say, “Big Deal, ooh you tidied up”! Well it is a big deal. Dishes take a lot out of me. Trying to reach up and over the sink to get all the plates, silverware, and glassware is tiring. It’s amazing how a dish can feel like a 20 pound weight. I have bruising on the upper back of my arms from the counter.  But, to me it shows I’m moving and trying to do things. I’m slowly trying to de-clutter. It’s all about baby steps. After getting all the dishes done and things straightened, I’m ready for a nap. :-P When I was well, my house was spit-spot. You could eat off the floors. Now, not so much. One of my OCD issues I have had to learn to deal with… slowly but surely.

I’ve been on the Ampyra for almost one month. I’d like to say I’m running marathons, but not yet. Ok, never ran them when I was well either! ;-) Do I notice anything different, better? I want to say that it seems easier to rise up from my chair to transfer, but I’m afraid if I do I’ll jinx it. I am going to get out my walker tonight when the hubby comes home and try to at least use it to get to and from the tinkletorium. Wish me luck!! I have not been able to use it since my Hell Hospital stay. That place fuckered me up. But, it would take a lot more than those fools to keep me down!!

xx, Tracy...

11 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in health, HELL, Hospital, medications, RANDOM, sarcasm

April 20, 2010

Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all of their worldly possessions

By Tracy

Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all of their worldly possessions.

This is an outrage. No matter your beliefs, this is a terrible case of prejudice.

This angers me, saddens me, and shocks me! How could they do this? How could the courts let this happen??

Please pass this on, blog it, twitter it, anything to get the word out.

This WRONG on EVERY level!!!

3 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in anger, Depression, healthcare, HELL, Hospital, humiliation, Ramblings, sadness, Tyranny

March 25, 2010

Losing my mind!!

By Tracy

Aha, got your attention! lol Actually my facebook status from their status shuffle says it all:

Lil’ ole’ me has lost my mind and doesn’t know where to find it, I’ll leave it alone, hoping it will come home, dragging my brain beside it!

I love it and it is so me!!

Things are going pretty good. Being back on Etsy is gr8. I made 2 sales, ty Frannie and Tina, and actually feel like making new things again. It gets me out of my room at least. I still am not feeling the ‘outside’ world yet since my hell stay, but baby steps ya know!

Awaiting return calls from some attorneys, but I think they are afraid of taking on the hospital. So, have some calls today to outside attorneys. You would think they [hospital liaison] would at least call to check in on how things are going, since they told me to keep themapprised on the bills. Ya, RIGHT!! lol They want me to forget, not happening.

My kids are off school for spring break. The girls get 2 weeks, the boy gets one. It’s actually been nice so far. Friends coming and going, so they are not bored. Bored kids are annoying kids. lol So keeping them busy is a gr8 thing. Austin went to Magic Mountain yesterday. FUN! He said he had a blast!

wheeeeeeeee

I love coasters!!! Woo Hoo!!

Hope everyone is having a great day/night wherever you may be!!

Blessings and Hope!

10 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in health, healthcare, HELL, Holiday, Hospital, jewelry, mindless-thoughts, Ramblings, RANDOM

March 22, 2010

Life is good – Randomosity

By Tracy

It’s all in how you look at it really.

As many of you have read, I spilled wax on my favorite pair of UGG slippers that were given to me as a gift from an ‘inspiring’ woman. No one can remove the wax. It was too much and too deep in the sheepskin. So, my heart was broken. Today, a Zappos box came. Inside were a new pair of UGG slippers. The only difference is the color. My husband ordered them for me when he realized the others could not be saved. I was so socked as my hubby is awesome, but never thought he would do this. He thinks my shoes fetish is nutzzz. lol I was also a tad sad as my other pair are from someone I so adore. I will not throw them out. I packed them back in their box and am hoping that at some point there will be something to clean them.

********************

Last week I actually got new pieces on my site A Fabulous Flair . Since my Hospital stay I have hibernated in my room. So, I pulled up my bootstraps and created! It felt so good to get something done and finished.

Brownie Blues

One of my new pieces. I just love the brown and blue together! If you find something you like, mention my blog and get 10% off.

********************

I also have gone through the break-up of a friendship. I have come to the realization that her ‘throwing’ me away was the best thing ever! I feel so much more positive and that old adage, ‘a weight was taken off my shoulders’. It is true, once toxic is gone, you feel so much better. The negativity is gone, the back stabbing and back talking is gone. I always felt so drained after speaking with her. Now, I am full! So, I guess I should say thanks. I wish her the best of everything and hope she can truly find her peace.

PEACE!

********************

I would like to ask you all for prayers today. A good friend, BFF Kat, needs some good thoughts, blessings, prayers whatever you do. She had to put her doggy down last week which was so hard for her. Then she had to have some tests done. Something in the test was found and she has to go back for additional testing. Please keep her in your heart for a good outcome. She is an amazing friend, mommy, and wife. I feel in my heart it will be ok, but extra blessings can never hurt!! I loves ya my mini-me!!

********************

Blessings and Hope!

15 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in friendship, HELL, Hospital, love, mindless-thoughts, Ramblings, RANDOM

March 14, 2010

Making it Through the Rain…

By Tracy

This blog is my blog. It is for me to share my life with my friends and my family and anyone who has an interest. It is to tell the stories of a crazy lady living with MS…moi!

When all the crap happened to me at the hospital I used it, MY blog, to reach out to my readers for support through a time that encompassed my world in a not so good way. I never wanted nor asked for your sympathy or pity. That’s not what I want. I needed…NEEDED support and friendship. That is why I shared my experience with you all.

This past year I have progressed more than any year previous, but still found the humor and tried to always add something in my blogs for a giggle. Even in my Hell Hospital blogs I tried to add humor.

During my stay in the big house, I was informed that I have acquired 3 new active lesions on my spine. With all the hospital terror and the issues of late, I put that aside and put it to the back of my mind. I am terrified of what these lesions could mean. No one can really give me a definitive answer. Is this the reason I can no longer use my walker and rely on my wheel-chariot now more than ever? Am I on my way to total paralysis? Again, no one knows. But either way I will deal with it as it comes. My inner spirit is strong.

There may be days I will be down, happens when you have a chronic illness that takes from you every day. But, as I have said before, NEVER confuse my tears or sadness for weakness as you will be wrong. I am strong in mind, heart, and soul. I do make it through the rain EVERY day of my life. I  do this with the help of my family and my friends that accept me for who I am and not what they want me to be.

I was told I look for sympathy and feel sorry for me cards [whatever the fuck that meant]. In this case this was one of the ‘the pot totally calling the kettle black’ things. Sympathy and the feel sorry me BS is something I have no time for.

This is a blog about a woman who lives with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Of course there will be blogs that might be a tad depressing. DUH!!! But, you will always find HOPE in my writings. I end every blog with ‘Blessings and Hope’! Why, because there always is Hope!!

I am only me, and will no longer apologize for that! No one should ever apologize for being who they are.

So, here it is, take me as I am and I will do the same for you. If you feel I have wronged you, talk to me, come to me and I will show you the same courtesy. I am not a liar as I have no reason to lie.  I am not a manipulative person, but have found that many have tried to manipulate me. Do not do it again!!

I will now be back to my former sarcastic, a bit crazy, mentoring blogging in hopes that maybe I can help someone in a similar situation. Maybe we can help each other. And btw, I do still make some wicked tasty lemonade from the lemons life has given me.

Thank you for being here and reading me. As new details arise regarding the hell hospital situation, I will update. [if you do not want to read em, then move the fuck on] :-)

And, as always…

Blessings and Hope!!

17 comments   |  tags: , , | posted in Craziness, family, friendship, health, HELL, hope, Hospital, mindless-thoughts, multiple sclerosis, Ramblings, RANDOM, sarcasm, strength

March 5, 2010

It is TIME!!

By Tracy

I have been hoping that the hell hospital would actually care about how I was treated there. Not so much!! Yesterday I received a letter from their Director of patient and guest relations. A basic, “We are sorry we did not meet your expectations, the nurse has been spoken to, and in the future we hope to meet your expectations.

click on letter to enlarge

I never even spoke to this person and she didn’t seem to feel the need to contact me personally. I have not slept a full night since my time there. I cannot leave my home. I can barely exit my room. I have been living in my pj’s and sleep most days since my nights are full of bad dreams. Here is the new one from last night:

*****************

As she awakens she feels pain, her arms sensitive to the touch. She looks down and sees small blood ‘spots’ from all the IV’s that did not work. Please no more. They laugh at her from the end of her bed. Their laughter is deafening and she wants to escape. Her wheelchair is no where to be seen. She drops to the floor and tries to crawl away from them. She feels hands all over her body, pinching, blood, laughter. Their faces are hidden by shadows, she closes her eyes so not to see. Wake up she tells herself, wake up, it’s just a dream, they cannot hurt you anymore. But like monsters under your bed, they will never leave. She opens her eyes, they are gone, she falls into the darkness…

March 5, 2010

*****************

That one woke me up around 2 am. Falling back to sleep was impossible. I feel so lost.

All I asked was that they find a way for people having these types of procedures to be allowed a private area for the cleansing process. To re-train nurses for IV insertions. To take care of my part of the bill for my hellish stay. [which is not going to break their bank] Not to charge my insurance for the 1st colonoscopy that they knew would not take and the IV insertion that was not even in my vein. I was told that someone would get back to me and my concerns would be taken to the proper sources. This was on February 22, 2010. Yesterday, I assume, was my answer. A generic, Sorry.

I have left message for two Attorneys thus far. I did not want to have go here, but they leave me no choice. I guess they figure people will give up as they do not have the time, the energy, or the support. Well, I have the time, energy [maybe not], support, all kinds.

Blessings and Hope!

8 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in dehumanization, Depression, dreams, Fear, healthcare, HELL, Hospital, multiple sclerosis, nightmares, Nurses, strength

March 2, 2010

Bring me to Life…

By Tracy

As I read through my Hell hospital blogs I get the chills. For some reason the thoughts, the memories will not leave my mind. I can see it all as if I am still there. Humiliation, fear, and so many more emotions. My mind goes 1000 miles a minute at bedtime and my sleep is not going so well. I know time will help to erase some of it, but how much time?

I actually, for the first time in over 3 weeks, did my hair and dressed in clothes. [real clothes, not pj's] I was going to leave my house and go to the store for the first time since the hospital horrors. Didn’t happen. As the time drew near to go I had a panic attack. The thought of being away from my ‘safe haven’, near my tinkletorium, made me physically ill. Xanax didn’t even help. [ya know you're in trouble when Xanax doesn't work!] :-P

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Still waiting for some kind of call back from the HH. Talked to them on February 22, and still waiting. How long is it going to take for them to let me know what they are going to do about this?

Is it time for the Attorney? Many are telling me, YES! Is that the only way to get them to listen, to provide quality care for their patients? Now I have some thinking to do on the matter. So, now we wait…

Blessings and Hope!

13 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Depression, dreams, Fear, HELL, Hospital, multiple sclerosis, nightmares

February 23, 2010

So tired…

By Tracy

When I got offline today [9am] to watch a movie and rest, I had no idea I would sleep until 10 minutes ago [7:35pm]. And, I am ready to go back to sleep in a few minutes. The World passed me by today…

I guess maybe I need/needed it and will probably do it again tomorrow. My day of the walker use is back to the chariot. Legs will not cooperate. I feel it is the complete and total stress from dealing with and waiting to see what hell hospital is going to do, and not getting much sleep from all the nightmares. I will blog all about it when they let me know!

I look at it this way, I can catch up on movies I’ve missed, cuddle with my fur babies and make-up for the sleep the nightmares have been awaking me from. Good times!! :-P

Nigh nite!

Blessings and Hope!

5 comments   |  tags: , | posted in dreams, healthcare, HELL, Hospital, mindless-thoughts, nightmares, Ramblings, sleep

February 22, 2010

The Voices in My Head

By Tracy

My PR buddy, Ruby, was saying how she wants the voices in her head to quiet down. So, I replied to have her voices tell my voices to shut the Hell up!!

blah blah blah

hmmmm

My insomnia is bad enough, and then add the voices and sleep is so hard to come by. I think about what to blog, my website over haul, my Hell hospital visit, and the list goes on. Not even my good meds can shut them up. What good are they then. :-P

Today is overcast and a tad dreary…just how I like it. lol Hoping for some rain. It’s a tad cold, but my comfy bed is warm so that is where I am.

———————–

On a good note:

Since I got home from Hell hospital I have had to use my wheel-chariot 100% of the time. Usually I can get to my bathroom using my walker. [18.2 feet] Well the other day I made it one way, but needed my chair to get back. Last night I realized my chariot was almost out of juice, so I had to try to use my walker again. Woot Woot, I made it back and forth from my tinkletorium!! Go me, go me!! So, now I will be trying to use my walker for the short walk again. Hopefully my legs will keep working for a while longer to be able to do this. It may not be a far walk, but it’s still a walk!! :-)

As for Hell hospital, no one has returned my calls since last week. Guess they figure I’ll let it go…rofl!! Me, let something go!! OMG, they do not know who they are dealing with!! lol Bastards! So, now I will call them back again and again until they take care of the issue at hand. If ‘S’ told them she did not treat me that way, I will go to that hell hole and face her. I so do not ever want to go back there, but I will for this.

Now I am going to try to get caught up on a few things, and then rest for a bit.

Join me at 10am PST today here, for a gr8 show!!

Blessings and Hope!!

5 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Craziness, HELL, hope, Hospital, mindless-thoughts, Nurses, Ramblings, Voices

February 17, 2010

Fear…

By Tracy

My Radiology reports are ready to be picked up from the Hospital. Roger went to get them as I cannot go near that place. I get chills even thinking about it. Is this was fear feels like? I have felt fear before for tangible, reasons but never for thoughts going through my head.

make it stop!

make it stop

My sleep is off, I wake up nightly from nightmares. WTF!! This does not happen to me. Getting to sleep is hard enough with all the thoughts running through my head. [yes, I do think occasionally] :-) Forget about falling back to sleep after a hospital nightmare. It is the same one here, almost nightly with small differences. So not cool!

I’m not sure what to do or where to begin anymore. My MS counselor got me on track with making a list. So, yesterday I made a list of to-dos regarding what I want done due to this terror. As I do them I am checking them off. It did help a bit to calm my mind, but then it comes back at me like a locomotive.

When diagnosed with MS it took so much from me. I fought, and fought hard to regain some of myself from it. After this horrifying experience, I feel like I am right back there again. When will it get any better? Will I ever go back to me?

Blessings and Hope!

**Update – Got all the films, but no written report that WAS asked for. REALLY!! WOW!

12 comments   |  tags: , , | posted in Darkness, dreams, Fear, HELL, Hospital, nightmares

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