Category Archives: HELL

Hotel HELL

In my head I do not ‘see’ myself as crippled. I just see me. Unfortunately there are little issues that pop up to remind me.

Next week we are heading to Carlsbad/San Diego so I can go see my Uncle, the dentist. Finally going to find out what’s happening with my painful mouth. We usually stay with my parents in Carlsbad at their home, but it can be rough for me with no ‘crippled’ access. Roger and I decided we would stay in a hotel nearby with the roll in showers and accessible rooms. We had stayed at the Hampton Inn Carlsbad once before and it was perfect. Now, here’s where the fun starts. I called to make a reservation making sure I could get a roll-in shower room. They said they were booked for those rooms on those dates but had an ADA bathtub room. I explained that will not work for me and he said to try the hotel next door, the Homewood Suites by Hilton. Okay, cool. I thanked him and called. The Homewood Suites had no availability for these rooms either so he said he would call the Hilton Garden Inn Carlsbad. By now I’m feeling a bit nervous and stressed and crippled. All this to get a hotel room? I figured 3rd times the charm, right? Wrong!

The Hilton Garden Inn had roll-in shower available rooms. Woot woot! Not so much. Now we could pay for and ‘reserve’ this room…but…they can not guarantee we will get the roll-in room. Ummmmm, what? I’m paying for the reservation [reserving] the roll-in room, but you cannot guarantee it. WTF! Basically, we can pay for it, but once we get there is may not be available and we will get an ADA bathtub room. Now I’m not only confused but getting angry and tearing up. I ask the guy why the other hotel has the rooms and also has them reserved for the people. [why I couldn't get one there] He’s sorry but there will be no guarantees for the roll-in room. I explain that if we pay for it and it is not available that I will need to cancel and get my money back so I CAN find a hotel with the room I need. He explains that no money will be refunded as it’s a two day cancellation policy. I then explained that the ADA will not be happy to hear about this.

After a few no so nice, yet adult like comments, I hung up. Wow, I can’t even get a hotel room… I really am crippled! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

I call my parents and burst into tears explaining what happened. After a few minutes, I calmed down, [thank you Cheryl] regained my composure, and realized I can tough it out for two days in their house. It’s just the bathrooms that cause me stress.

Now that I was composed, I noticed there was a Marriott nearby as well. I figured, maybe the 4th time is the charm and fuck Hilton! :-P

Dialing the number, crossing everything, I call The Courtyard By Marriott Carlsbad. [oh please, oh please] My first question to the sweet voice on the other end was, “Do you have roll-in shower rooms?” She says yes. My second question was, “If we reserve one, will we be sure to get one?” She says yes, they will reserve it and put a block on that room for me!!! HALLELUJAH…HALLELUJAH Really, I heard music! So this  lovely girl made our reservations, blocked the room, and instantly sent me a confirmation.

Marriott - a crippled persons dream! :p

My stress was lifted, my spoons replenished. I will NEVER deal with Hilton again. They may be and have accessible rooms, but they are NOT cripple friendly. Marriott, you are my new love, Thank You!!

Love and light peeps!


It figures!!

Obviously I’ve had a crappy time lately. DOH! :-P So this morning i pulled my ‘big girl’ panties on… really I did. Wouldn’t you know it I get the headache from Hell and my back is killing me. [had a little fall] Seriously!! Makes me wonder what the fuck I did in a previous life! rofl

It's really not...

And now, to top it off, INSOMNIA yet again. So off to take some meds [yeehaw] and hopefully sleep will come… eventually!!

Peace out!


Being in a Wheel-Chariot…

SUCKS!!

Just thought I’d share! :-P

nuff said...


The Padded Room – Patrick

Starved to the point where he had no readable temperature, then thrown down a garbage chute like yesterday’s trash, this was the life of Patrick.

He is an approximately one year old Pit/Mix who was brutally mistreated by his owner.
This show is to spread the word about animal abuse and how, we as humans, can help!

**Graphic content warning due to the severity of his torture.

Please join us, Thursday March 31st at 11am PST, in The Padded Room!

Go to, A Dog Named Patrick , for more of his story and with links on how you can help.

My spirit is strong!


A Dog Named Patrick…

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” -Mahatma Gandhi

—————————–

Starved to the point where he had no temperature then thrown down a garbage chute like yesterday’s trash, this was the life of Patrick. He is an approximately one year old Pit/Mix who was brutally mistreated by his owner.

Animal Cruelty Charges Filed in Case of Brutalized New Jersey Pit Bull

abused and left for dead

But this amazing puppy has more spirit than many humans I know and he held on. He made it through the night to March 17, St. Patrick’s Day, and was given the name Patrick.

these eyes...

If these eyes could talk, most would probably not be able to listen about the torture he went through.

My spirit is strong!

I will fight to help other animals that are abused.

Thank You!!

Please help end this cruelty. Remember, it starts with animals and moves on to the children. Someone who could do this to a living creature, could do this to anyone.

—————————–

“Never believe that animals suffer less than humans. Pain is the same for them that it is for us. Even worse, because they cannot cry for help…” ~ anonymous

Please take a stand!! Sign the petition and help save other animals and make people pay for their crimes. It only takes a minute.

Patrick’s Petition!

Pictures borrowed from Prayers for Patrick edited by me. Click to join this wonderful FB site for Patrick!

xx, Tracy...

 


Fuuuuuuuuck

I know, great title for my blog. Haven’t blogged in a bit and here it is, in your face…fuuuuuuuuuck!!

You may ask yourself, ‘Why?’ I’ll tell you why. It’s now after 11pm and I wanted to go to sleep. You know, lie down, get comfy, sleep. NOT! After 4 minutes of trying to lie down I gave up. I cannot seem to get my legs up on the bed. I get one up the other slides off. I pull on my jammie pants leg and my hand cannot hold on or lift my leg. Now I could scream for someone to help me, but they are all asleep and have to get up early for work and school. Hubby is on the pullout sofa as he snores so bad he wakes me up all night. So, I’m sitting here with tears rolling gently down my face as sleep is not coming yet. Even if I get my legs into the bed it take me forever to get into a position comfortable for sleep. Once I lie down I have to pull each leg up in a bent position or my lower back hurts. As it is, if I do not sit in the right spot before I try all of this, I may end up too high or too low on the bed. I am not able to ‘scooch’ into a comfy position. I get one shot. I guess I’m lucky, as once I do finally get comfortable I’m ready for sleep, as doing this easy task takes all of my spoons. Just getting into bed is a fucking chore and it pisses me off. It’s not fucking fair!!!!!! And don’t tell me it could be worse!! It’s going to get worse so shut your mouth. And don’t tell me it could be worse, it could be cancer… this IS my Cancer!!! It has and will continue to take my life from me. Just in a slower mode.

February 8th, marks the 2007 death of my MS partner in crime, Tina Richardson. Her progressive MS killed her. She got caught between a heavy power chair and bathtub and slowly suffocated to death, alone and I’m sure frightened. She could not move and could not scream. So, do not tell me no one dies from MS. They do every fucking day. If she had not had MS she would not have been in that position. I know others that have passed away due to pneumonia from being immobile and the MS basically killed their lungs. Tina was only 40 years old and my friend and I miss her every day. So fuck you and your,’it could be worse!’

As of this moment, it’s only going to get worse for me and I’m petrified. I am in a wheelchair 24/7. I am tired, fatigued 24/7. I run on fumes every day and try to be funny and crack jokes. I hide behind a smile and most days I wish it would all just end. I have pain 24/7, incontinent at 46 years young. Migraines, weight gain, unable to do the simplest tasks. The next time you feel the need to bitch about running errands, doing the dishes… be glad you can run errands and have the strength to do the dishes. I would trade you in a hot second to be able to do all those annoying tiresome chores. The next time you take a shower, thank your God you can. Even taking a shower is a chore for me and after I usually need to sleep as there goes some more spoons.

I try to keep the pain to myself, me feelings, my MS. This is my blog, and you can read or not. Tonight, all the lil things going on in my life, and then the tip of the iceberg,  not being able to just get into bed, hit me all at once and hard. Seven months, still no bathroom finished, haven’t even seen them in over 2 months. Promises to here then no show, no call. Losing more leg movement and the list goes on… depression has hit and it has hit me hard. Will I make it through this one… Hell yes! I always do. I’ll find my inner strength and pull my boot straps back up and move on. But, now and then I need to let go, and let the idiots know to watch what they say. God help them if they ever had to deal with a real illness… my comment to them will be, “Hey asshole, it could be worse, you could have MS!!!”

 

xx, Tracy...

 

 


Criptastic!!!

That’s what I am!! lol The past few days I have felt accomplished. Each morning after the kids leave for school, I’m up and washing the dishes, tidying up, etc.. Some may say, “Big Deal, ooh you tidied up”! Well it is a big deal. Dishes take a lot out of me. Trying to reach up and over the sink to get all the plates, silverware, and glassware is tiring. It’s amazing how a dish can feel like a 20 pound weight. I have bruising on the upper back of my arms from the counter.  But, to me it shows I’m moving and trying to do things. I’m slowly trying to de-clutter. It’s all about baby steps. After getting all the dishes done and things straightened, I’m ready for a nap. :-P When I was well, my house was spit-spot. You could eat off the floors. Now, not so much. One of my OCD issues I have had to learn to deal with… slowly but surely.

I’ve been on the Ampyra for almost one month. I’d like to say I’m running marathons, but not yet. Ok, never ran them when I was well either! ;-) Do I notice anything different, better? I want to say that it seems easier to rise up from my chair to transfer, but I’m afraid if I do I’ll jinx it. I am going to get out my walker tonight when the hubby comes home and try to at least use it to get to and from the tinkletorium. Wish me luck!! I have not been able to use it since my Hell Hospital stay. That place fuckered me up. But, it would take a lot more than those fools to keep me down!!

xx, Tracy...


Life…

This is NOT my life… where is my real life? If you find it, please reply here with the location.

I realized that I have not been out of my home for over 3 weeks. I just have no desire, no oomph to do anything. I know it’s not about the Ampyra as I’ve only been on that 2.5 weeks. It’s been so hot here and heat is no longer my friend. When I say out of my home, I mean that literally. I look outside, but have not even gone outside. I have no desire, or care much right now to do anything.

All my kids are back in school, hubby working, so I’m alone all day. I do not drive, can’t work, and sometimes I really feel like what’s the point. I have no energy, my fatigue is off the charts. [even with the anti-fatigue meds]

And please, please do NOT say, “It could be worse.” or “You’re only given what you can handle!” BULLSHIT! This is my ‘worse’. I need help to get dressed, to shower, sometimes to eat when I can barely hold the utensils. I wear my pj’s most days all day as by the time I get up everyone is gone, and it takes too much energy to get pants on by myself. Luckily, I love my pj’s and have many sets. I guess unless you ‘roll a mile in my chair’ you’ll never understand. The helplessness, the loneliness, the depression that sets in. Maybe it’s a ‘healthy’ thing. Usually it’s the healthy ones that makes the above statements. Their biggest issue is what to wear, having a busy day, what to cook for dinner, ‘oh damn’ have to drive the kids around, etc. etc. etc!! PLEASE!! I know this to be true as I was once there and took soooo much for granted. Like ….. walking for instance.

my legs...

I’m tired of always feeling like I have to be shiny happy all the time. My life SUCKS!!! I know, I know, I have a gr8 husband and kids and family and friends…I get that. But, I have no purpose. Without a purpose what’s left. Feeling useless is the most depressing feeling of all. I have not felt like nor have had the energy to make anything for my shop in weeks. My hands cannot hold the tools very well right now. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! Who really cares anyways.

EXACTLY!

Blessings and Hope! [still waiting]


Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all of their worldly possessions

Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all of their worldly possessions.

This is an outrage. No matter your beliefs, this is a terrible case of prejudice.

This angers me, saddens me, and shocks me! How could they do this? How could the courts let this happen??

Please pass this on, blog it, twitter it, anything to get the word out.

This WRONG on EVERY level!!!


The Padded Room – Living with Scoliosis

Our show this Thursday is a must ‘hear’! We will be talking with Ruby Cantu, co-host of The Padded Room.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/rlrn/2010/04/15/the-padded-room–unloc…

Ruby has suffered with severe Scoliosis for most of her life.
————————-
Scoliosis:
Definition
By Mayo Clinic staff
Scoliosis is a sideways curvature of the spine that occurs most
often during the growth spurt just before puberty. While scoliosis can be
caused by conditions such as cerebral palsy and muscular dystrophy, the
cause of most scoliosis is unknown.

Most cases of scoliosis are mild, but severe scoliosis can be disabling.
An especially severe spinal curve can reduce the amount of space within
the chest, making it difficult for the lungs to function properly.

Children who have mild scoliosis are monitored closely, usually with
X-rays, to see if the curve is getting worse. In many cases, no
treatment is necessary. Some children will need to wear a brace to stop
the curve from worsening. Others may need surgery to straighten severe
cases of scoliosis.

————————

As shown in the next photos, our Ruby, needed surgeries.

Keith Zieber, our fabulous producer will be helping me, Tracy, interview Ruby!

Ruby is in the ‘hot seat’ and we hope to see you there!!

Blessings and Hope!


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