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Since my last surgery in May this year, Im actually becoming “Tracy” again. I’m gaining back some strength and actually getting out of my ‘prison’ occasionally. I know I’ll never walk again, but if I can transfer on my own I’ll be happy.

this makes me happy!

this makes me happy!

Now here’s the kicker…when I start feeling even a tad bit good, I tend to over-do-it. Badly… I want so bad to be ‘me’ again I push it too far.

Some say the face of MS is invisible. For the majority of people with MS it is considered the invisible disease. But, for 5-7% of MS’ers I’m also the face of MS. The face no one wants to see or think about. Bedridden, wheel-chariot user, pain most can’t comprehend, and my MS list goes on. I’m the dreaded [badly] progressive form. So when I feel ‘good’ I want to do all the things that get put off. Then I crash and burn. And alas, I’m crashing.

I will get the rest that I need for a few days. I pray it’s only a few days. My last crash landed me in Hospital and then a 3 month depression. People, even some MS’ers, can’t comprehend the terrible pain and loss I have had. I hope with all my might they never have to.

Today I knew a ‘crash’ was coming, but I will no let it kill my spirit as I have in the past. Shit, my friend Stephanie won’t let me. Right this minute though I feel like I’m losing my mind. And, yes it’s spelled losing, NOT loosing! A huge pet peeve of mine. Sorry, I went off track a smidgen. ;-) My sleep is back to noooo sleep tonight. Muscles spasms and shakes are taking over my being. I think Aliens are coming for me to do some probing. Although, that may be fun…hey, it could happen. Now I really am losing it. Lack of sleep will make you insane. Trust me I’m there.

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it’s all I have…

Now I will sit here in the dark with the light of my MAC illuminating my room. Will I ever find my peace, my center? I do not know. But, I will always be searching for it.

Peace!

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We love Patrick!

Posted: March 17, 2015 in Ramblings

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Happy third re-birthday dear Patrick! The world will never forget you, you are loved by many.

It’s not fucking rocket science!!!

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The Old Riverside Hospital

Posted: January 25, 2015 in Ramblings

Tracy:

Absolutely love abandoned hospitals! You just know somewhere there are still souls walking the halls!

Originally posted on Architectural Afterlife:

Stationed only a block or so from the local police department in downtown Toledo remains a forgotten and fragmented structure formerly known as The Riverside Hospital. The hospital was opened in 1883 as a home for unwed mothers in the Northern Toledo area, welcoming them in under the supervision of the Sisters of Mercy. The hospital had operated under their supervision until 1983, when it had changed hands, becoming part of Mercy Health Partners.

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At the time of its full closure in 2002, nearly 270 beds remained only to now collect dust as time faded life away further and further. Local urban legends suggest that ghosts of former doctors and patients now roam the tunnels beneath this structure, but nothing is for certain. The hospital is now owned and monitored by the Toledo Public Schools; information bestowed upon us quite unwillingly and uncomfortably.

December 29, 2014 – the day we…

View original 1,074 more words

...tears

…tears

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Any person who abandons a senior animal (or any animal) at a shelter has lost all their humanity. These people should not be allowed to ever have another animal. It is a privilege to have a pet in your home, they are not property, they are family. People who do not feel this way, should not have any pets.

Remember, adopt don’t shop!

Blessings to all the animals unwanted, abused, and thrown away! You all deserve(d) so much better.